January Care Package: Zombie Apocalypse

So, my husband is in the U.S. Air Force, which unfortunately means we occasionally have to be apart for months at a time. My only consolation during these times (besides Skype, of course), is that I get to send him care packages — silly, fun, goofy, and often useless care packages.

This month is our first apart, so I haven’t gone totally off my rocker just yet. I wanted to send him all the medicine-cabinet-type things guys aren’t likely to pack or buy for themselves until they’re so sick they can hardly get out of bed. But unless you’re Mary Poppins, it’s hard to make medicine fun.

So, I got to thinking, and I came up with the only thing an insane and unreasonable person would: the Zombie Apocalypse Care Package.

What goes into a Zombie Apocalypse Care Package? I’m so glad you asked!

• Zombie Outbreak Survival Flowchart – I got this one from here, then I ghetto laminated it using packing tape on both sides. I told him he should take it to work and put it up on the wall.
• Fleece Throw Blanket – This was a find at $4 on clearance at Target. He said it’s pretty much always freezing where he is, so I figured an extra blanket can’t hurt. And if there was a zombie outbreak, I’m pretty sure an extra blanket would be needed!
• Filtering Water Bottle – Britta’s water bottle with little filters that fit inside. He actually asked me for this one (amazing – I sent him something useful!).
• “Bloody” Card – They make a card for everything these days: second cousin’s birthdays, congratulations on your divorce, good luck in the zombie apocalypse… Okay, so this one took a little bit of extra work, but not too much. I found a birthday card with a zombie cat on the front of it (random, right?!), then I printed out an appropriate LOL Cat picture and glued it over the birthday text. I scrawled some well-wishes in permanent marker, then got out some red acrylic paint I had lying around. A little water and a stiff brush gave me the blood spattered look, and for a final touch I made a heart out of smeared red “blood”. How romantic. <3
• Mug for Hot Liquids – Because I knew he didn’t bring one, I thought he’d appreciate it, especially since I sent a little tea along, too. This one was a superhero themed one from a thrift store (not quite in theme, but cheap and awesome and I couldn’t resist).
• Survival Foods – A couple of small cans of something I knew he’d like (though how he can eat Vienna Sausage, I don’t know), picked up at the Dollar Store.
• Cookies – Well duh! The best care packages always have baked goods! These crazy looking ones are my own recipe Apocalypse Cookies.
• Medicine Cabinet – I’ll get to this one in a minute, but the box itself is just a Tupperware with a red cross painted on it from more of that handy red paint.
• Burlap Bag of Supplies – The bag was a quick sewing job from some extra burlap I had laying around. I cut a long rectangle and sewed up both sides, then turned it right-side out and threaded a bit of twine through the top for a drawstring closure. And, of course, more red paint mixed with water splattered and drizzled all over it. Inside is:
• Gorilla Tape – Since it will pretty much fix anything.
• Rope – You always need rope in a survival situation.
• Nerf Gun – To shoot zombies, duh. Dollar Store for the win!

Now, for the portable medicine cabinet. I didn’t write down everything I put in it, but I tried to send him things I’ve seen him use in the past, and things that apply to where he’s currently stationed. To keep costs down, I bought a lot of generic brands and got a couple of things from the Dollar Store. I remember it has:

• Cough drops
• Multivitamins
• Airborne
• Traditional Medicinals “Breathe Easy” Tea for respiratory health
• Day and night severe cold (including fever)
• Congestion relief
• Aspirin
• Thermometer
• Mini first aid kit with Band Aids and antiseptic wipes
• Antibiotic cream

It all just barely fit in a box I had laying around. That’s duct tape on the envelope, there, just because it looks… survivally.

Now I can sleep well at night knowing that I did my wifely duty to make sure my family is prepared at all times for the zombie outbreak, even when the hubby is on the other side of the planet. Because I’m just that awesome. HAH!